I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
