my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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