Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
