This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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