My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
