ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
