Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
