chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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