she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
