Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
