You're earring is so big in my mouth
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
