I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
