when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize