so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
