After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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