I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
