The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
