Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
