there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize