Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was born a porn star she said
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
