So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
