If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
