Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
