FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
