so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
