Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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