How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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