I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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