i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize