areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Welp...herpes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
