dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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