All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
