I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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