just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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