I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
