in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I need moral support for this bender
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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