Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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