Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
