why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
