what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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