Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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