I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize