ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You made out with two different species that night
You need Xanax blowdarts
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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