Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
