i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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