I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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