this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
