So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
