I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
