literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
