Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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