Your mouth is God's brothel.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
