The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
