Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
