Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
