I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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