the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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