So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
