Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
