we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
