Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
