You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
