why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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