You're my little dorito
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
